Aunt Noor,

I'm writing because I've been the girlfriend to a Yemeni for the past 8 years, I love my boyfriend very much, last year he told me that he was married and had kids. We live in California, in different cities, I live in the city that he works in. He tells me that he loves me very much and that he spends more time with me than he does with his wife, I asked him if he would still be with me if I was married to someone else and he replied that he couldn't share me with another man. His wife is also Yemeni, but I’m an African American. I really want to find a Yemeni man to marry but here in California, it seems that they are all married. I'm very committed, but I also want a husband of my own. He always says things will be better for us later, but after years with him, matters are still the same. please help.

B.D

Dear  B.D

Honestly, your letter confused me. First you said you love him so much and you have been in love for many years, then you said you want to marry a Yemeni guy, as if you forgot your love with the present man!!!

Anyways, let's go on through your problem and try to analyze it step by step.

To be honest with you, I didn’t relax when you said that he hid from you that he was married. Doesn’t he love you and trust you too? Or maybe he was scared of your reaction, or that you might leave him if you know about his wife and children?

If we suppose the second guess, why would he lie and let you get closer to him while he knows that you would not accept that later? Didn’t he think about your feelings and how much you would suffer if you knew about the truth?

Also, you mentioned that he is your boyfriend. I don’t know if you have any sexual relations with him but even though I don’t want to go through our religious beliefs but I want to make it clear for you that it is forbidden to do so, and it is considered as one of the biggest sins in Islam. I am telling you that because I believe that when a person doesn't respect his religious beliefs, , s/he would do anything to satisfy himself without caring if others may get harm.

I understand how bad it feels when a woman feels that she is alone but at the same time, I don’t want you to ignore those feelings than later have an unsecured life.

Finally, it is time for you to decide whether to accept this situation and whether you are ready to share him with another woman, or to end everything. You wasted many years of your life already, and I don’t want you to lose more. Wish you all the best.

To ask Aunt Noor for her Advice , email her at noor@yemenpost.net